I'm feeling so sick of everything already. I feel that in wasting my life away and yet I'm not doing anything about it. I just feel like rotting my life away. Recently i've been thinking, what if the one who was aborted wasn't my sister but it was me instead, would she lead a better life then I did? If my mom & dad didn't divorce, will I have a better life now?

My mom didn't had a choice. She had to abort my sister cause she had gotten some illness while she was carrying my sister. Maybe she did but who am I to stop her? I was a baby back then anyway and I only got to know about this during 2006 or 2007. I have always wanted a twin sister or a sister who is older/younger then me by a year. I just wish I had a chance to know her.

And my dad has another family now. They have a kid too. I saw the papers when we moved house and I was unpacking my mom's stuff. Turns out that there's many things that she didn't tell me. And I never bothered to ask her about it anyway because if she wants to tell me, she will. I think.


Feeling kinda depressed now. Don't know if it is because of my menses or the stuff that's going on. I just wish I could tell everything to somebody, like every single thing.